Pregnancy Losses – Miscarriage, Stillbirth, Neonatal Death, Termination of Pregnancy
“I’m devastated and no-one even knew I was pregnant.”
“I feel like it was my fault, like I’m a bad mother because I couldn’t protect my baby.”
“Life seems meaningless and empty. What’s the point?”
“I can’t function properly. I don’t know if I’ll ever be normal again”
“Everyone else is getting on with their lives and my whole life has fallen to pieces.”
The death of a baby is one of the most painful, confronting experiences we can undergo as a woman. When new life has begun growing inside us and the light goes out, we feel that loss to the depths of our soul. Being the offspring-bearing sex means we know death from within the intimate contours of our bodies.
As women, we get pregnant and miscarry. Sometimes we hold a still baby in our arms. Despite the best care and technology available, babies still die, sometimes for no apparent reason. It’s tragic and heart-breaking, yet it’s part of being female.
Death is part of life. Because we live in such a death-denying culture, we’re led to believe that babies shouldn’t die. Yet they do. It’s always been so. When death visits us, how we navigate the experience can make all the difference to the quality of our lives from then on.
If your baby has died, I’ll support you in your grieving, mentor you into your deep strength as a woman and encourage you to find your way own way forward. In my experience, grieving women are incredibly strong and courageous; they don’t need rescuing – just support and understanding and connection. I believe you have the inner resources and resilience to negotiate your transformation.
THE 5 KEY BENEFITS YOU’LL EXPERIENCE FROM CONNECTING WITH ME:
1. Permission to grieve. The loss of a baby is devastating, heart-breaking, life-changing. Nothing will ever be the same. We grieve for our beautiful babies and feel the loss so keenly. Grieving is a normal response to death. It is not mental illness. When a baby dies, at whatever stage in the pregnancy or after the birth, you need full permission to grieve in your own unique way. You may grieve in private, in public or both. Your grief might result in uncharacteristic behaviours, things you wouldn’t normally do and it’s totally ok. You’ll express your grieving in ways that are individual to you and that no-one else may understand. What matters is that you’re able to express your grief in your way.
2. Validation of the depth of your response. The death of a baby cuts to the core. It penetrates to the very depths of our being. Many people are uncomfortable with the depth of this anguish. Losing a child plunges us into one of the deepest mysteries of our existence as human beings. For me, it’s a privilege to hold the space for someone to experience their humanity during such a sacred, life-changing time. Creating a safe space for you to experience the depths of your grief, sharing in your experience and validating it are some of the ways I hold space for you. I’m not afraid to stand in the fire with you.
3. Support. Meeting death is one of those times when we really need the support of other people. By nature, we are social beings and at a time like this, we need to be supported, compassionately, in a safe space, so we can find our way forward amidst the chaos. The definition of support is to “bear all or part of the weight of; to give assistance to; or to give encouragement to someone because you want the person to succeed.” That’s how I see my contribution. I support you by sharing your load, and I encourage you because I want you to come through the experience as a better human being. Your baby’s death can open your heart like nothing else.
4. Connecting with your baby. Although your baby is no longer physically present with you, it’s still possible to maintain a loving connection with this little person who meant so much and will forever be with you. Love is indestructible and your intimate connection with the spirit of your baby is something you can take comfort in and draw upon. Connecting in this new way can be deeply healing.
5. Guidance through your transformation. The journey of grief and loss is also a transformation of identity. Even babies who were with us a short time touch our hearts and change our lives permanently. After someone you love deeply has died, you are not the same person you were before. You are becoming someone else. In the process, you may feel blind, lost, alone and like no-one understands. Transformation is hard work and it can help to have someone who understands to guide you through that period of time.
Standing alongside a mother who is grieving the loss of her baby, and holding space for her to feel the depths of her loss and express it freely, is a privilege. It’s truly sacred work. If you feel a resonance with my approach, I’d love to hear from you and support you.
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Call: 0437 825 564
To find out more about your amazing female body, read my book: Activate Your Female Power.